A Story of the Woman at the Well and the Pharisee
From shame to redemption… to legalism and back to redemption again.
The woman at the well and the pharisee. Those are two biblical characters typically not associated with one another. Separated by class and “purity” these two individuals were on opposite ends of the spectrum in their New Testament context. Yet for me, they paradoxically became my reality.
I grew up in an incredibly loving family. I had a wonderful father who showed me every manner of affection. He took me on dates, admired my beauty, and even went out of his way to drive all over town to purchase a CD (yes, this was quite a while ago) that had the song “Sixteen Candles” on it, just so he could dance with me in our living room on my 16th birthday.
I lacked absolutely nothing in terms of attention and affirmation from the main male figure in my life. Why then did I find myself desperately longing for attention and acceptance from the young men around me? I didn’t understand this then, but there was a God-shaped hole in my heart that could not be satiated by anything other than Him.
I loved God and longed to serve in every possible way as a young girl, but I struggled to understand that I could have a relationship with Him – I could intimately know Him. To fill the void, I ran headlong into the arms of shame, guilt, and deep regret. Right before I met my husband, I found myself in the darkest place of my young life. For the first time ever, I had stopped attending church. I had no hope for freedom from my circumstances, let alone relief or redemption for my heart.
But God… so graciously and mercifully found me at the well desperate for a drink of living water. Here, I was not just granted nourishment that finally quenched my ravenous thirst, I was washed clean. I had found my true love. I longed for nothing but Him. Those “honeymoon” years were so precious. I spent endless time reading the Word, journaling, praying, and just resting in His presence. I vivaciously shared my “good news” with anyone who would listen.
Time marched on and seasons of life changed, and then changed again. My husband and I ended up going into ministry. We gave it ALL for the Lord and His Kingdom. We ministered, we gave generously, and we practiced hospitality, inviting five different teenagers and young adults to live with us over a period of 13 years. We founded youth and college/young adult programs, led worship teams, performing arts programs, hosted conferences, and supported and served in outreach.
I did it all, stockpiling my good works as deeds that not only justified my salvation but also my position. I did all the “right things,” but little did I recognize, I was teetering on a dangerous precipice. Unbeknownst to me, my heart had waxed cold. I grew ambitious and arrogant. The church and my role in it became my “god.”
It would take the bottom falling out completely with our health, our marriage, and our ministry for God to heartbreakingly reveal to me that I had forsaken my first love. How in the world was that possible? I loved the Lord with all my heart – or so I believed. How easily His rightful place on the throne of our hearts can be exchanged for lesser things.
When the scales fell off, and I could clearly see, I was devastated. I repented in dust and ashes; the fragments of the white marble cathedral I created had crumbled before my very eyes. How could I, the once wretched woman at the well, become a pharisee? I had replaced love with legalism and sadly caused much hurt to those around me. I who had longed to bind up the brokenhearted, had somehow begun to inflict wounds upon those I led and loved the most.
But God… in His unending grace and mercy, beckoned me back to Him just as He had all those years ago. The same love that first (and continually) covered my sin, abounded in forgiveness and healing once again. His “Reckless Love,” came and lit up the shadows that had plagued me with blindness. He tore down the walls of religion and drew me back into relationship. I was truly set free and offered a new life in Christ. I can honestly say, I was, once again, forever altered.
I wish I could say, I now perfectly walk out this journey we call faith, but I remain flawed and far from “holy.” But such is the good news of the gospel. He did not come for the healthy, but the sick. I am so grateful, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. That “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds,” (Ps. 147:3). That no matter how many times I stumble, it is His kindness that leads me to repentance, and beckons to me again and again when I unknowingly (or knowingly) drift away. Without His unwavering, steady hand to anchor me, I am sure I would be lost in the sea of sin and selfishness.
“Oh, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
Let Thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, oh take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above
Here's my heart
Oh take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above.”
- Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, Robert Robinson
How have you encountered the mercy and grace of God in your own story of redemption?
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This is beautiful. But God...thank God.
Come Thou Font is one my very favorite hymns.
It's also really cool to see women writing about faith and spirituality on Substack!
"But God… so graciously and mercifully found me at the well desperate for a drink of living water." Thankful he has met me at the well too!