A Story of Possibility
Relearning how to say YES and rediscovering JOY
Have you ever noticed how hardships can bestow upon us unrecognized and unwelcome alterations, especially when our seasons of struggle continue for an extended period of time? Long-suffering is an unwelcome guest in many hearts and homes. When it moves in, we often fail to recognize the changes it brings with it. Years pass, then we run into someone we haven’t seen in a while, and they don’t recognize us.
We look in the mirror and we don’t recognize ourselves.
The truth is, we don’t even remember who we were to begin with.
How in the world did this happen? When encountering trials, we can become so consumed by our struggles that we cannot function through any other mechanism than sheer survival. Make it through this day, this hour, this moment. I lived in survival mode for almost two decades. During much of which, HARD doesn’t even begin to describe it. Brain fog is real, and I had zero ability to see the forest through the trees. It was more like… “Wait, what? I’m in a forest…?”
Perhaps you can relate. If you personally haven’t walked through seasons of heartache and hardship, it is likely someone close to you has. Enduring and witnessing pain is so incredibly difficult for us. It goes against our innate human nature, which longs for peace and prosperity at all times. We want to run as far from the hurt, disappointment, and fear as we possibly can. Which sometimes causes us to retreat deep into our shells of self-protection. There, we isolate from others and even our own feelings. Our hearts become hardened, one etched layer at a time, without notice. Before we know it, we lose our perception of true self.
I have shared in other segments, bits and pieces of my own journey through disappointment, doubt, and desperation. My story of struggle is not one I ever could have imagined I would live, let alone share with others. And though I can now appreciate the good gifts God has granted as He crafted beauty out of my ashes, there is still so much that remains tarnished. Some of which I am just now discovering.
Somehow… in all of the caring, in all of the hiding, in all of the fear and worry, while carrying all of the burdens, I became so small, so diminished, that I lost myself. So much so that I really did look into that metaphorical mirror with no recognition of the woman before me, nor could I even recall who she was or who she ultimately was meant to be.
In response to my undesirable circumstances, I unknowingly erected a fortress of “refuge” that I assumed provided me with “protection.” This fortress was iron-clad. It may have kept me “safe” within, but it also kept everyone else out. Plans and projects offered focus and purpose but replaced spontaneity and flexibility. Structure and schedules offered security and control but left little room for freedom or creativity. Little by little, survival snuffed out living, and my war-worn heart lost its joy one crisis at a time. I stopped laughing. I rarely smiled. I preferred checking boxes off my agenda more than being truly present with myself and those around me. I began saying no a whole lot more than I said yes. If you asked me why, I wouldn’t even recognize the behavior, let alone understand my compulsion.
Who is this woman I’d become, and how in the world did I get here?
The only thing I clearly comprehended was my own brokenness and the impact it was having on my relationships with others and the Lord. I had no idea how to piece myself back together, but I knew the One who does. So I ran headlong into the arms of the Healer, and little by little, He has been mending wounds and guiding me forward… out of isolation and back into the world. Into relationships, into trust and hope, and most importantly, deeper into Him.
While I have made progress, much remains unclear. I am determined to choose hope, and I am better at choosing joy. I laugh way more than I have in years (possibly decades), but sometimes the darkness still threatens to overtake the light. However, I am learning to rebel against that pull towards “protection” and the word “no,” and how to say YES! I’m practicing how to let go, how to let God, how to release the bonds of control, and go with the flow. It has been so life-giving! And not at all as scary as I thought it would be.
I honestly have no idea where any of this will lead, yet I am totally OK with that (which for me, is HUGE). I don’t really understand who I am or who I am supposed to be, but I know the One who holds me in the palm of His hands, and that is more than enough. Even greater, I am not even concerned about trying to figure it out. I am good to simply… BE.
I have learned to take the single next step and really not worry about the rest. There is no final destination in front of me (other than my eternal home in heaven), but there is a road paved wide with POSSIBILITY! I may not know where it leads, but I fully believe that while I am on it, anything is possible. And I know I do not walk it alone. The God of POSSIBLE is here, right beside me.
This rediscovery of joy and relearning how to say YES has opened up a new season of adventure and prioritization of family time in our little unit of three. Together, we have decided to say YES to as many opportunities as possible to make memories this summer, including traveling, spending time out on the lake, on our back deck, hiking, or simply being outdoors, coaching my daughter’s swim team (another YES that has been so life-giving), and just being together in all the big and small ways.
Time is fleeting. Our daughter is growing up so fast. Additionally, health is never guaranteed in our family, so we are treasuring the respite available to us right now. And we are determined to make the most of it!
In order to be fully present and simply BE, I have decided to pause my weekly publishing here at Just One More Chapter through the remainder of the summer. I look forward to reconnecting with you all again when I resume publication in the fall.
I pray you all enjoy the gifts of time, rest, and relationship this season.
Warmest Regards & Blessings,
Megan
Sharing a few glimpses into our recent adventures. Learning to let go, relearning to laugh, relearning to say YES - EMBRACING THE POSSIBLE!
A video my daughter captured during one of recent travels - the JOY of YES!
Do you feel lost? Have you closed yourself off from the Lord or others? Have your hardships hardened your heart and caused you to lose your true self? How can you take one small step today to embrace the POSSIBLE in your own life?
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This was so deeply moving to read. I related to so many parts - the slow fading of self, the overprotective fortress built from pain, the way survival can quietly replace joy without us even noticing. But what truly lifted my heart was seeing your photos and reading about your new season of saying yes. There’s something so healing in watching someone reclaim their life, piece by piece, smile by smile. Thank you for sharing this journey so openly. It’s such a gift. Wishing you a summer full of softness, laughter, and light. 💛